GIFTS part 4

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THE GIFTS OF COMPASSION AND CARING

In the years following the end of WW II there was an influx of Eastern European Jewish immigrants into our region of south Jersey.  Many of them went into poultry farming which provided a modest income in those days before the mega farms emerged.  Through his involvement in the local farmers co-op by father became acquainted with many of them, and friends with several of the families.  Chaim, a small wiry man with a face that reflected the pain of losing his wife and son to the concentration camps from which he escaped, purchased a small farm near ours.  He knew little about the business and turned to my father for help and guidance, working on our farm, as he started his own.  Chaim and Riffka, his second wife, became family, and I remember my mother serving him hot tea for lunch in glass cups.   My parents had a similar relationship with another family several miles from our farm.  When their new baby was discovered to have a congenital heart condition my father made several emergency trips to the hospital in Philadelphia, often in the middle of the night.  Those two families adored my parents who gave to them unconditional caring and support. 

No words were ever spoken to me about what they were doing and why.  They were un-necessary.  The lesson was there for me to see and to live.  They had little, but gave abundantly of themselves.

Rifka, Chaim, boy? and my father

VALUES

Values is a word tossed about with a demeaning casualness in today’s public dialog but is rarely actually defined by the speakers, be they congressmen, candidates, media talking heads, or anyone else with a political agenda.  Since our country is engaged in so called cultural wars it must be assumed that these values are self evident, which of course they are not.  This results in assumptions that lead to misunderstandings and division.

When I hear someone say a political candidate “shares my values”, unless told otherwise, I believe the reference is to abortion, gay marriage, and/or religious faith (usually Christian). One could not be faulted for inferring from public dialog that our citizenry is composed of 2 camps, the faithful who oppose gay marriage and abortion, and people of little or no faith who do not, an inference that is utterly false.

I do not belong to any church. I do not believe homosexuality is a sin or a choice. I am in favor of gay marriage, and I believe in a woman’s right to make her own choice regarding abortion.  Does this mean I have no values?  Of course not.  I have a set of values around which I have lived my entire life, and I am quite confident that many others, regardless of church or political affiliations, share them:

Love for others

Commitment to family, marriage, and friends

Compassion

Understanding and tolerance for ideas and people who differ from me, and

Respect for beliefs of others

Forgiveness

Honesty

Trustworthiness

Integrity

Humility

Gratefulness

Charity

Thoughtfulness

Willingness to learn and accept change

A personal faith (to be described in a future post on this blog)

These are the values that determine who and what we are, our personal character and our place in the community of men and women.  They have found their way into the fabric of my life from many sources: my parents and my extended family and friends, personal experiences learning and practicing the craft of medicine, reading extensively the spiritual writings of others, and simply – or not so simply - navigating the corners in my life.

From HAVE I TOLD YOU TODAY THAT I LOVE YOU…words to my children…

“Your relationship with others will be as varied as the people you encounter and will be determined by many factors, not the least of which will be your own personality and psychological style.  But regardless of who and what you are, there are certain basic tenets that I would urge you to follow.

Be respectful of others, regardless of their position in our socio-economic conscious society.  Be your real self with both the room maid and the hotel manager.

Be tolerant of ideas, beliefs, and behavior that differ from yours; no one has a monopoly on the truth.

With grace forgive the weaknesses of others and do not judge what you may perceive to be their shortcomings.

Forgive first offenses.  Overlook minor slights.

Enable and nurture; be one who helps other achieve their own selfhood.  Act in such a way that others will feel better for knowing you.

 Be honest toward others.  Do not present yourself to be other than who you are.  And do not deceive or use others to achieve your own way or goals.”

I cannot claim to be one hundred percent faithful to these standards, but I try, because they are within me, and not imposed by some external authority.