HOLD FAST TO DREAMS

Oil pastel on clay print

I enjoy reading magazines featuring a wide range of accomplished fine art (Southwest Art, the Art Collector, American Realism) and seeing how my own work stands up to it. With an occasional exception, I am confronted with a significant gap in levels of technique and overall excellence. It is not that I see my work as bad, but that the other work is so much better. This never bothered or discouraged me, but only served to show me what I had to do to improve and grow as an artist; it encouraged and inspired me to dream of what I could accomplish...until recently.

It occurred gradually over the past 2-3 years. I faced and accepted the growing realization of my place in the world of art. I could be proud of what I’ve accomplished, but would never reach the level of the artists currently being featured in leading galleries here and abroad. I was OK with this, accepting that one of the perks of age is the ability to see the reality of our lives, unclouded by youthful exuberance. Last night that changed.

Lying in bed looking at some very good art in one of my magazines I was once more confronted with my “achievement gap” and remembered how I would dream of my future before reality inserted itself into my life. And as quickly as that I realized I must not abandon my dreams, even at this stage in my life. To do so only undermines what I have worked for all these years as well as faith and trust in myself. I might as well fold my tent and go quietly into the night. Then and there I vowed to reclaim my dreams, to hold fast the ideas of how I can fashion my future and my work, and to trust myself. Of course without the commitment and the will to pursue them, dreams remain nothing but hollow fantasies. That is the challenge that lies ahead.

Will these dreams become reality? I don’t know. But I do know that if I don’t believe in them, they will never happen.


Clay mono type

THE HEAVINESS OF AGE (continued)

Experimaental pastel #5 aprox 12x18 $300

Dreams and aspirations.
Following the dream and taking risks. I know something about this. At age 39 I decided to leave my private medical practice and work part time in an emergency room so I could pursue a career in art (I had no formal training). At age 53 I opened a medical practice in a converted barn on our farm, and at age 62 moved 950 miles away from family and friends to Paducah Kentucky to be one of the first artists to sign up for their artist relocation program. I made each of these decisions, and many others, without fear or trepidation because I was confident that they were the steps intended for me...I knew that as much as one can know something.

But now, six years later, when I think about these moves I wonder, could I do that today? Does our spirit respond to age the way our bones and joints do? Does it tend to get a little slow and more inclined to remain comfortable and secure rather than jump ahead into the unknown. The earlier decisions were made knowing there was the security of the “somedays” to fall back on if needed. As previously noted, they are only a shadow of their formal selves now.

However, once again there is another component to this issue. Although taking risks to pursue dreams becomes more difficult and perhaps more stressful, there is a new resource now available thanks to the years... experience, and, if we pay attention to our past, experience brings us another resource...wisdom. Together they can help guide us through the transitions and changes faced in these later years. We are better equipped to assess risks and have a more realistic notion of the consequences of our actions. Perhaps my spirit and my personal aspirations have been buffered a bit by the years, but they remain intact, and I strive toward them a bit slower, with deliberation and determination that these same years have provided.