Friday, March 28, 2008

WHY AM I LEAVING

(From my journal, some time early in 2002)

A young man came to see me yesterday with a problem that was more emotional than physical. I listened as he explained his problems, which was clearly very difficult for him to do. When he finished, I asked several questions before responding to him, and offered him my advice and treatment options. We talked some more, and as he left the room he stopped, turned to me, and said, “you are awesome. You’re the best doctor I’ve ever had!” I felt like an arrow had pierced my heart and wanted to cry out, “no, don’t say that, because I am going to be leaving you”.

It hurt because I fear he is right; I worry that not many of my colleagues would have responded to him as I did. I am beginning to feel the pain and guilt for leaving my patients once again.


Why am I leaving here? We have a wonderful piece of God’s green earth, are well known and respected in the area, and have a network of family and friends.

The farm is not exactly green here...but you get the point
.

Looking west


Looking east

I can only try to answer that question...

I’m leaving because I have to leave...this next step is in keeping with the intention and goals of my journey. There is work that I have yet to do, and I know in my heart that this is not the place for me to do so. I have known from the beginning that our stay here would be a temporary one [16 years]. We moved here for a specific purpose, and that purpose has been fulfilled. The same can be said of the practice. When I opened it 8 years ago it was with the very clear intention of being a transition time, 7-10 years, and then I would return to my art.

This next move, barring the unexpected, will be my last one. I am going to Paducah because I believe it is a place Where I can best apply myself to the rest of my life’s work. [work that I cannot even fully explain] When I began this incredible journey over 25 years ago, I had no idea where it would lead me. I only knew that I had to trust myself and to trust my intuition and instincts, which I have done in all of my major life decsions....This is no time to abandon that trust.

I am not seeking something “better’ or “more”, I’m seeking something that feels right to me. Just as I knew 15 and 8 years ago that there would be one major change, I know that this is the one.

I believe that everyone who knows me well will understand this.

BUT....PADUCAH KENTUCKY !

1 comment:

timeisoftheessence said...

You wanna play doctor, I mean, be my doctor? I need someone like you!